A bucket list.  Do you have one?  Is it in your head or written down somewhere?  Are you aware of your bucket list or is it just a vague idea of things you want to do or places you dream of visiting?  Is having a well-thought out bucket list a good idea or is it just more possibility of disappointment because it involves the time off you haven’t accrued or the money that needs to be used for practical purposes.  Does it represent the impossible dream or the anticipated goal?  Most people will tell you that I’m a ‘glass half full’ kind of girl so for me, having a bucket list is a positive thing.  I think I’ve had a bucket list for as long as I can remember because besides being naturally positive, I’m also a bit of a dreamer.  My mom will tell you that I have dreamed of visiting Paris ever since I was young.  And to this day, it remains one of the most magical places I could ever go.  My bucket list isn’t in list format but every time I do something incredible, I think ‘THIS is something that would be on my bucket list’.

About a week after I found out that I have cancer I was told that because of the aggressive type and the fact that we did not catch it early, that I should be prepared to hear that it had spread through my body. When I heard that, I did two things.  Through panicked tears, I talked with my kids about being okay IF the test results came back with news that we didn’t want to hear.  I told them that IF we found out that I was terminal, I needed to know that they would work on being okay without me.  I needed their assurances that no matter how sad they might be, that they would work on being happy.  And, let’s face it.  Sometimes being happy IS work.  Sometimes you have to make the decision to be happy.  Every living person has heartbreak and hardship, emotional scaring that could make or break you.  But I wanted James and Molly to make one promise to me, that they would choose to be okay.  When they did that, I was given the gift of working completely on my recovery.  Because they made that promise to me, I would no longer worry about them and I could focus completely on my own recovery without the wasted energy of wondering if they would be alright.  The second thing I did was my own version of a life check-up.  Was I where I wanted to be in life?  Had I accomplished goals that I had set for myself?  As I waited for further test results, I contemplated what I still wanted to do in life.  And, overall I was thankful.  Thankful because no matter what the test results said, I was still alive and breathing.  Anyone reading this has the same opportunity that I still had despite what happens.  I mourn those tragedies that happen in the blink of an eye.  The sad stories about people who get into arguments with loved ones and then have a fatal car crash.  The people who never get to say the things they want to the people they love so much, those are the things that break my heart.  I am given the gift that many people don’t get.  I get to evaluate my own bucket list.  And I can’t say it strongly enough but I feel incredibly fortunate!!  There is not much I could imagine doing, that would bring me more joy than the things I’ve actually done.

The list includes riding camels in Saudi Arabia, parasailing on the Red Sea, running marathons with my husband beside me step-by-step and sailing through the Pearl Harbor channel on a 22 foot sailboat with friends that I love.  I have been to a ball with my own prince charming, gone to a movie premier and travelled extensively.  I’ve napped under the Eiffel Tower, been serenaded by a gondola guy in  Venice, slept in a castle in England, sang along at a  Jimmy Buffet concert in the shadow of Diamond Head, gone skiing in a winter wonderland in Austria, and drank pints of beer in Dublin.   Those are a few of the bigger things but I also have had the joy of parenting two awesome kids. We may not see it for the gift that it is all the time, but I am the most grateful for the parenting experiences good AND bad.   I’ve had jobs that made me feel like I was giving back and making a difference.  I have family and friends who I can say without a doubt, love me unconditionally and that I feel beyond fortunate for that.  There are little things too.  Things that wouldn’t necessarily be on my bucket list, but those WTH moments that stick in your memory.   I’ve kicked a shark, worked on Hole #1 of the Sony Open, been bitten by a meerkat, bubbled a monumental fountain with my twin sister, rescued animals and acted in plays for an outstanding community theater.  I’ve saved the life of a man who probably would have died had I not shown up at the right time and spoken in public to big crowds.  These are just the things that come to mind as I type this.  I know as soon as I publish this, ten thousand other experiences will flood my thoughts but that’s just how lucky I am!!!

As for where I am in life…  I’m a work in progress.  I always will be.  Not just with cancer but all around.  Just like a bucket list with items that have not been lined through.  I really want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister and daughter.  Other things that I want to accomplish that are a bit more shallow include getting my paranormal investigation certification (yes, that is a real certification and no, I’m not kidding).  I want to finally make a beautiful souffle that doesn’t fall in the center.  This is kind of shitty since I am supposed to love ALL of my pets but I want to live in a cat free house. While I sort of like our three felines, I will not be overly sad when they go to kitty heaven.  Speaking of heaven, I want to figure out where I stand with my religious beliefs.  I am a believer and consider myself to be a child of God but my path has sometimes taken the bumpier route and I am easily influenced.  Here is the good news in all of this:  the cancer in my body is temporary.  All of those tests revealed that it spread to one lymph but was not existing anywhere else in my body.  I still have time to be better.  Closing this, I’d really love to know what you have on your bucket list.  Please comment because I am genuinely interested!!