Answer:  Just one, but it takes a support group to cheer her on!

When a cancer care nurse asked me if I had a good support system, I knew I had friends and family who cared, but I’m not one who relies on people easily.  But, I also didn’t understand what cancer would take from me.  At times, it’s taken my dignity, my optimism, my self-esteem, my energy, and my appetite just to name a few things.  And inevitably in those moments, I’ve had something that brings me back to my more natural self where I know I can beat cancer despite the trials.  The power of a kind note from a friend, a hug from a co-worker, a card in the mail, a compliment from a student…. it’s amazing. I’ve been blessed beyond my comprehension.  I can easily say that in this battle with breast cancer, I’ve had more tears of joy and humility than I have of fear or sadness. The thing about this cancer that I’ve hated the most (besides losing my hair) is that it has taken more than my own positive outlook on life to get over the bumps in the road.  But, all it takes is a kind word or note of support to bring me back around.

Unfortunately, I’m not someone who learns lessons the easy way.  I’ve been in more trouble in my life because I truly believe it’s easier to beg (or bargain) for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  Learning cancer lessons has been no exception.  I was told I would need to rest more.  I was told I would need to be more careful about getting sick.  I am still the little kid who thinks she’s invincible.  And, I am naturally the energizer bunny.  I can multi-task, have experience in a variety of jobs and love to help out and be around people, so I tend to take on more than I should even at my healthiest.  This has not been helpful in my fight against cancer.  This past week I’ve learned that I cannot continue to do things the way I normally do.  But I have not been able to answer the question;  how do you balance living life, make memories, AND stay away from people, get rest and follow every doctors orders?  I still haven’t figured that out, but I’m learning slowly.  Case in point is my recent hospitalization.  I knew I was not at my best on a Friday.  But, we had a big day on Saturday.  The homecoming games were that day and it was possibly  Jacqueline Molly’s last volleyball game of the season.  It was also the night of the homecoming dance and tradition has been that the girls get ready at my house.  This requires carefully thought out snacks, a place with good lighting so they can all get ready together, music playlists and lots of photos. I started running a small fever on Saturday morning but I ignored it.  As my fever progressed, my energy drained.  I was not having a great time but I was afraid to miss out on these moments in life.  They are truly gifts.  My fever got higher.   I called my doctor who told me that I needed to get to an emergency room for a booster to bring up my white blood cell count and an IV of meds to bring my fever down.  They wanted me there as soon as possible but I ignored that request.  I just had to hear about the dance when the girls got home.  Who danced with whom, dress details and homecoming royalty were all conversations I wanted to have with the girls.  What little energy I had, was so drained by the time they got home, I barely remember them walking through the door.  Mark drove me to the hospital early the next morning and what might have been a few hours of treatment had I gone in sooner, turned into four days in the hospital.  And I am a miserable patient.  There are things that I’ve taken for granted.  A small scrape somewhere on my skin has gone ignored most of my life.  But, last week, a small scrape turned into a staph infection.  My white blood cell count was so low, my body couldn’t heal the scrape so it became infected, which lead to a fever that also couldn’t be nursed back to normal with simple over-the-counter fever reducer.  I am now guarding my skin carefully and rationing my energy.  It is not fun.  I feel a little like I’m made of porcelain and that I’m chipped in places.  I have a nasty open wound on my leg from the staph, my fingernails are all bruised and sore from the third round of chemo, my energy level can take a huge hit from something as simple as walking across a large parking lot.  I wear gloves at work and a paper mask in small enclosed areas.  But, I know this won’t last forever.  I look forward to the day that I don’t have to think about rationing my daily chore list.  I had a dream that I had long, beautiful hair and one day that will come back too.  I have not thrown away all of my favorite nail polish because I am hopeful that by summer, I will be able to paint my nails again.  Which brings me around to my point.  I am hopeful about all of these things because I have an amazing family and incredible friends who inspire me every day in so many ways!  If you’re reading this, I’ve probably thought of you with such gratitude in my heart.  And in the meantime, I will continue to learn.  I will go to the hospital sooner rather than later if I run a fever.  I will take my wheel chair on sight-seeing trips so I am not on my feet or walking long distances in a full day.  I will rest more even though I don’t like it. But mostly, I will never take for granted the power of the support group!!